


It's okay to feel

by BondSlave



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-21
Updated: 2013-09-21
Packaged: 2017-12-27 06:15:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/975416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BondSlave/pseuds/BondSlave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock finds it painful to celebrate come anniversaries. Jim knows how he struggles, and that is why, every year, he’s right there to comfort him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's okay to feel

Spock sat alone in his quarters, the lights dimmed to 45% and the smell of vanilla wafting from his meditation candles. He’d been planning on spending the evening meditating, but he hadn’t gotten farther than changing into his robe and lighting the candles. He couldn’t bring himself to meditate; his mind was to empty of thought. 

He sat on the floor by his bed, facing the wall with Vulcan decorations; things he’d brought with him to earth, and things he’d collected before Vulcan’s destruction. These were all one of a kind items, the last remnants of a civilization lost. He bowed his head, his eyes focusing on a small wooden chest that he’d stowed away under his bedside table. 

Leaning forward slightly he pulled the chest from its hiding place. He gently ran his fingers over the wood and wrought-iron design on the lid, smearing the dust that had gathered there, leaving his fingers feeling gritty. How long had it been since he’d opened this box? Had it really been the five years since he’d left Vulcan to join Star Fleet? 

He let out a shaky breath, his heart thudding hard against his side as he pushed the lock up with his thumb and slipped his nails into the groove of the lid. He hesitated. Could he face what was in this box? Or would it destroy him? Bowing his head again he took a steadying inhale before pushing the lid open; lifting the lid as far as the hinges would allow. 

Inside was an array of items. But Spock pushed them aside and drew out the largest item; the item nestled safely at the bottom. It was a grey woolen sweater. He rubbed his thumbs along the knitted wool; it was soft to the touch. He let out a soft gasp as his breath hitched in his lungs before pulling the sweater closer to him, tucking it under his chin.

He could feel the overwhelming sense of despair wash over him, powerful and strong. He ducked his head and pressed the side of his face into the material. He could still smell it; Vulcan, sand and spice. But there was another smell there as well; the smell of a gentle perfume. Spock felt his heart weigh heavily in his side, closing his eyes against the pain. It still smelled of her.

Spock let out a soft gasp, eyes opening just slightly as arms wrapped around him, careful not to touch the sweater, and hold him tight. He glanced back as Jim gently rested his head against the side of Spock’s neck, eyes closed. He could feel the love, sorrow and assurance from Jim as he held him close. Spock hadn’t even heard him come in. Was he that distracted? Was he that compromised. Yes. He was. Closing his eyes he let a single tear slide down his cheek, his frame shivering ever so slightly. 

Jim gently ran his fingers through Spock’s hair, pressing a light kiss to the back of his jaw. He cooed slightly, his voice gentle. 

”It’s okay Spock. It’s okay to miss her.” He assured, holding the trembling Vulcan a little tighter. “It’s okay to mourn, it’s okay to cry.” He continued, his voice just as gentle and quiet as he used his other hand to wipe away the tear. “No one’s here. No one knows.” He promised before holding him close again. “She wouldn’t want you to hold this pain in. You have to let it out.”

Three years hadn’t lessened the pain, or dampened the loss. Jim didn’t think time would ever heal this wound. At least not for Spock and the remaining Vulcan’s; especially for Spock. Which is why, twice a year, Jim held him close, and assured him that it was okay to feel the hurt, to feel the loss. The anniversary of the Nirada incident was always hard; on everybody. But it was this day, that found Spock at his weakest. The day that would mark Amanda Graysons birthday; a birthday she would never celebrate, and that Spock could never celebrate with her.


End file.
